Conquering Fears

Those of you who know me well know that I have had a life long fear of water. I nearly drown when I was a kid and since then I've been so afraid of water that I would freak out inside when going over a bridge or feel like I was suffocating if I watched a movie where someone was under water. Like, have you seen "What Lies Beneath"? There's a scene where Harrison Ford gives Michelle Pfifer a pill that parlyzes her and puts her in the tub and turns the water on. I can't watch that scene. I couldn't breathe. I was so afraid for her I had to fast forward that scene.

But I can tell you my friends that I have taken the first step to conquering the biggest fear of my life. My dear friends Mike & Gina took me out on their boat today and "made" me get in the water. Granted, it took me a few minutes to let go of the ladder off the dock, and, granted, I certainly didn't take the life jacket off, but I did at least let go of the ladder and allowed myself to float away from the dock. And then I also got out of the boat in the middle of the lake. Yep. I actually did it. I'm still in shock.

Two years ago I would have probably not even gotten on a boat, much less gotten out of the boat in the middle of the lake. Oh, did I mention that I also wore a bathing suit. Don't ask Mike about it because he'll tell me that I looked like a grandma (which, granted, I kinda did... it was cute when it was dry... it had this little skirt thingie that when wet kinda went down nearly to my knees... guess I'll be getting a new one before my next trip to the lake...) God KNOWS I wouldn't have put a bathing suit on two years ago!

I guess the moral of my story is that I regret so bad letting fear cripple my life for so long. And it's so much more than the fear of water. I have let the fear of rejection keep me from falling in love. I have let the fear of failure keep me from doing so much. Even stupid little things like, oh, I don't know.... hiking... what if I wore the wrong shoes? What if I fall down? Well, I've been hiking and I wore the right shoes and I didn't fall. I was just fine! I've let myself fall in love and I haven't been rejected (and hopefully I won't!)

Is God happy with his children when they let fear control them? Think of all the things I could have accomplished if I had decided years ago to let go and know that it's okay to mess up. It's okay to fall down. What's important is that you get back up again. I have done more things that are not me the past couple of years. My mom sometimes says, "What have you done with my daughter?" I've put her away and replaced her with a confident woman who can't wait to conquer her next big thing!!! Wonder what I should do next????