I HAVE come a long way!

I just can't get over the fact that I was actually in the water! This is my cheesy, "I just swam in the water" shot that Gina took. Kinda like a first day of school thing... ;-)

My dear friend Anita posted a comment on my last post saying that I've come a long way and you know what? She's right :-) When I look back on my life before I moved here to Arkansas I can't help but shake my head and wonder what in the world I was waiting for to have a fun life. As I told Anita, I mourn the loss of that time, but look forward to my future of swimming and hiking and eating tomatoes. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you that? I will actually eat a tomato now. Well, I say I will... If it's on something I won't take it off, but I'm not going to ask for them... But still...

Can anyone tell me exactly what this Fantasy Football thing is that has taken over my boyfriend's life? I'm trying really hard to be supportive, but when he tells me that he'd rather do that than, oh MEET MY PARENTS there's a bit of a problem. He didn't really say that, btw... well, not in so many words... but we got it all worked out... well, I got it worked out... not quite so sure about him, but needless to say he'll be meeting my parents and not drafting... I'm such a mean girlfriend.

Speaking of, yes, my sweet boyfriend is meeting the parents this week. Well, he's actually already met my mom and passed her test with flying colors, so the next obstacle is daddy. Oh, and Brandon, who I think is going to be even harder to convince! He's quite protective of me! But I'm sure he'll have no problem. He's great. And I love him and that's pretty much all that matters. What makes me happy makes daddy happy :-)

And last Sunday pastor, after 8 months of silence announced to the church that I had a boyfriend. It went down like this... I was sitting in the congregation instead of the stage like normal and pastor couldn't find me and began to ask where I was. Well, everyone was pointing and he found me and said, "Oh, she's sitting with her sweet boyfriend. Let's talk about you guys... now how long have you been dating?" I was mortified, wondering the whole time, "I wonder who will be the first person to ask when I'm getting married?" and I'll be if someone didn't come up to me as soon as church was out to let me know that she's a wedding planner and when the big day comes she would love to help out in anyway that she could. She asked jokingly, "Can I go ahead and penci you in?"

"Um, no".

Conquering Fears

Those of you who know me well know that I have had a life long fear of water. I nearly drown when I was a kid and since then I've been so afraid of water that I would freak out inside when going over a bridge or feel like I was suffocating if I watched a movie where someone was under water. Like, have you seen "What Lies Beneath"? There's a scene where Harrison Ford gives Michelle Pfifer a pill that parlyzes her and puts her in the tub and turns the water on. I can't watch that scene. I couldn't breathe. I was so afraid for her I had to fast forward that scene.

But I can tell you my friends that I have taken the first step to conquering the biggest fear of my life. My dear friends Mike & Gina took me out on their boat today and "made" me get in the water. Granted, it took me a few minutes to let go of the ladder off the dock, and, granted, I certainly didn't take the life jacket off, but I did at least let go of the ladder and allowed myself to float away from the dock. And then I also got out of the boat in the middle of the lake. Yep. I actually did it. I'm still in shock.

Two years ago I would have probably not even gotten on a boat, much less gotten out of the boat in the middle of the lake. Oh, did I mention that I also wore a bathing suit. Don't ask Mike about it because he'll tell me that I looked like a grandma (which, granted, I kinda did... it was cute when it was dry... it had this little skirt thingie that when wet kinda went down nearly to my knees... guess I'll be getting a new one before my next trip to the lake...) God KNOWS I wouldn't have put a bathing suit on two years ago!

I guess the moral of my story is that I regret so bad letting fear cripple my life for so long. And it's so much more than the fear of water. I have let the fear of rejection keep me from falling in love. I have let the fear of failure keep me from doing so much. Even stupid little things like, oh, I don't know.... hiking... what if I wore the wrong shoes? What if I fall down? Well, I've been hiking and I wore the right shoes and I didn't fall. I was just fine! I've let myself fall in love and I haven't been rejected (and hopefully I won't!)

Is God happy with his children when they let fear control them? Think of all the things I could have accomplished if I had decided years ago to let go and know that it's okay to mess up. It's okay to fall down. What's important is that you get back up again. I have done more things that are not me the past couple of years. My mom sometimes says, "What have you done with my daughter?" I've put her away and replaced her with a confident woman who can't wait to conquer her next big thing!!! Wonder what I should do next????

I am a terrible blogger

Yes, I know. And I've had a lot to say lately, just no time to do it! Like, for example, I'm in love!!! :-) Oh, and my boyfriend is as well :-) I just thought I had been in love before. Nope. But I am now. And, well, I'm sad it took so long!

And it's still really hard for me to believe that someone wants to actually be with me. Like, for example, today is Thursday. Well, BF and I were talking earlier and I told him that I'm really glad tomorrow is Friday and he said that he's glad, too. Well, jokingly I said, "Yeah, you're just glad it's Friday so you can see me!" and he said, "Well, yeah!" He loves me. What can I say?

I was blessed to get to go to the National Worship Leader's Conference in Austin a couple of weeks ago. It was so great. It was such a relief to not have to worry about set lists, giving cues, making sure everyone is on the same page, making sure everyone has what they need in their monitor... Being a worship leader is NOT an easy job! But it was great to just be able to be in services and have the freedom to worship myself. I got to see a lot of great worship artists and rekindled my love for Phillips, Craig and Dean. I came away feeling so refreshed. Unfortunatley it was back to the same congregation on Sunday, but... :-) Maybe next year they can all go with me!

I'm Much Calmer Today...

Hope everyone had a safe & happy 4th! At the last minute BF had to work, so I spent the day doing what every red blooded American woman would... Shopping! Actually, I just spent about an hour out and about. I did find a really cute skirt at Ann Taylor for $9.99. Can't beat that!

I also made it to Barnes and Noble and picked up the latest copy of Texas Monthly. THE Texas Monthly I alluded to in my most recent post. I will say that for the most part the writer did a fine job. He did everything he could to imply her guilt, which I appreciate. However, not sure who, but someone told him a big ole whopping lie about daddy and that doesn't make me very happy. I don't know if he inferred this quote from something that woman said, or since daddy wouldn't talk to him he just made something up, but it burns me up nonetheless. He said something along the lines that while daddy wasn't on call he would run this woman down and tell her that all her life problems would be solved if she would accept Christ. First of all, any of you who know my daddy know that he would NEVER do that to anyone. Second of all, my dad never talked to this woman. I don't even think he knew her. So, there you have it. I think the magazine did a nice job, but really wish they would not have given this woman another 15 minutes of fame. But I guess it's a good story. Much like a Lifetime Movie.

Be sure to pray for me next week. The BF is going out of town and I'm dog sitting. I can barely take care of myself in the mornings and now I'm going to have to get up even earlier and take him outside... well, at least it's not, oh 14 degrees outside like it was the last time I puppy sat while my dear friend Gina was in FLORIDA!!!!

Later!
jen

Angel of Death My Foot!

So, I don't know how many of you actually know this, but my grandfather, my daddy's dad was murdered by a nurse. She calls it a mercy killing. And I guess Texas Monthly sees it that way as well. They have a story about her this month and the title is "Angel of Death". Well, lemme tell you. She was no Angel of anything. She was a murderer. Plain and simple. My grandpa had fallen on the ice and was in the hospital for his hip to the best of my recollection. My dad left the hospital, at which he worked, btw, one evening and grandpa was talking and very lucid. The next day he was dead. This nurse had decided I guess that he was in so much pain that she would just put him out of his misery. And she did the same for quite a few others as well. How nice of her, huh? She was such an angel to not want these people to be in such pain and misery. Man, I'm so glad that she saw it fit that my grandfather's pain was so great that his family could just go on better without him. Why would we want to have to take care of him and love him? Why would we want him to be around to see his grand children get married and his great grand children be born. No. He was in so much pain that there's no way he would have ever enjoyed it. And yet she lives to tell her side of the story. Wonder if she ever talks about the fear in the patients eyes when they suddenly wake up realizing that they can't breathe and that their life is being taken from them. Wonder if she ever thinks about the families, the hundreds of people who have to live every day with the memory of what she did to their loved one? Wonder how she can sleep at night knowing that she single handedly rocked one small town to it's knees with national news coverage? I wonder if she gave them one last chance to say goodbye. Would she have still decided their lives were not as valuable as her own?
Sorry for the heaviness of this post, but wow. Angel of Death.
***I stand corrected. The title of this article is Angel of Death, not Angel of Mercy as I had first posted. The editor of Texas Monthly Magazine let me know that. My apologies to anyone who I may have confused or misqoted or misrepresented.***

What do men have against Dirty Dancing?

So, Friday night the BF & I watched the AFI top 100 movies of all time. Quite an interesting list. I bet I haven't seen like 80% of them. I have some catching up to do. He'd seen probably as many as I hadn't. As we started the show I jokingly said something about Dirty Dancing being on the list. He responded, "If it's on here we'll watch it." Well, needless to say it wasn't so he made it through that one. But that brings me to my bigger question. Just what do men have against Dirty Dancing? I think it's that they are jealous of Johnny getting all the girls like they wish they could do. I just can't believe that it wasn't on the list somewhere...

I have since taken it upon myself to make my own top 100 list. Well, maybe not 100, but how about 10. The Top 10 Chick Flicks of all time. It will be a scientific study, my friends with research, polls and all that other stuff that would make it scientific. Some of the movies that are currently being considered are: Dirty Dancing, Sweet Home Alabama, Gone With The Wind, 13 Going On 30, Sound of Music, Babes In Toyland (the old one, not that one with Keanu Reeves... PULEEZE!), State Fair, anything with George Clooney or Brad Pitt, and the Legally Blonde series. Basically, any movie that your husband or boyfriend rolls his eyes at anytime you mention watching is in the running. Do not take this lightly. It could change the face of modern pop culture as we know it. Just think. Reese Witherspoon could be hosting "The JLR Top 10 Chick Flicks of All Time" on WE any day now... How proud my parents will be.

What is your favorite? Ask your friends. More importantly, ask your significant other what their least favorite movie of all time is. It'll probably end up being #1 on this list!!!

My $1.99 Purse

Inquiring minds want to know just what I fit into a purse that cost $1.99. Well, upon first look I thought it would surely hold all of my necessities, but, alas, it did not hold them very well. It was packed full and, well, let's just say I'm not carrying the $1.99 purse anymore. Maybe I'll send it to one of Wendy's girls. But it was a good thought at the time.

Do you ever wish more than anything that you were anyone or anywhere other than who you are and where you're at right now? Man am I having one of those weeks. I think I need a vacation. Don't know where I'll go, but it's safe to say it'll be far, far away. And I think maybe I'll just go alone. No parents, no boyfriend. Just me & God. Now wouldn't that be a treat. All my mommy friends are so jealous about right now ;-) Like I would ever go anywhere by myself! I won't even go out to eat alone much less take a vacation in an unknown place by myself. But it sounds good nonetheless! I'm going to Austin next month for a conference, but as I've made everyone here at the office aware, it will not be a vacation. I will be working, regardless of what they think! And then my parents are going on vacation sometime and I'll be kitty sitting Madison. While I'm excited about that, I'd much rather be going on vacation!!!